Voting for an original English light novel in this contest has ended.This is a contest where the community selects the next book to publish. We will traditionally publish the winning story, which includes professional editing, cover art, design, formatting, and distribution. Only a completed young adult light novel or first volume will be considered. See http://www.vicslab.com/publishing for more information about what the publishing entails (Click Publishing under About tab). If you have questions, post your questions as a comment under Q&A in the forums of this group.
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Voting for an original English light novel in this contest has ended.This is a contest where the community selects the next book to publish. We will traditionally publish the winning story, which includes professional editing, cover art, design, formatting, and distribution. Only a completed young adult light novel or first volume will be considered. See http://www.vicslab.com/publishing for more information about what the publishing entails (Click Publishing under About tab). If you have questions, post your questions as a comment under Q&A in the forums of this group.
Some of the dialogue is stiff and cringey here.
“But what if the trolls have a legitimate reason to abduct your Princess?” A merman just behind Gall said.
I kept rereading this line because it is awful.
Try: “What do trolls want with the princess anyway? Maybe their love of gold made them want to steal her too. That blond hair of hers, heh!”
Everyone in the room cringed at the implication. Trolls were a savage race and held no qualms regarding vandalizing a woman’s virtue. Anything they saw of value, they take it.
“I don’t care why they took her! We just got to get her back. Got it?!”
Your story’s tech level is confusing here. Having blood readily available for medical treatment suggest advance modern. Not only do you need precise craftmanship for the needles but also storage tech for the blood once its drawn. This is a fantasy world so the typical default is medieval. Back then, they were still just bleeding people out by cutting them.
You might want to add a insert when she is grabbing the blood that blood transfusion was an amazing tech created only forty something years ago by a joint venture project between the dwarves and elves. People were worried about having someone else’s blood in them but after it saved people’s lives on the battlefield, the royal family implements the tech for its army.
Something like that to explain why this sort of tech exists in this world.