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What a cleverly crafted story this is. I was wanting to jump ahead just to find out how this ends. The characters are rich in personality and Mel is a fiendishly clever boy, using what he must to get what he wants. Even friends. Well done. I was thoroughly entertained.
What a cleverly crafted story this turned out to be. I honestly wanted to skip the end just to find out what happens. The characters are all rich with personality. Mel in particular was well thought out as his motives were clear from the beginning. Being fiendishly clever about obtaining what he was after, even if he had to use his friends to do so. Well done. I was thoroughly entertained by this read.
@justice107 Hey! I got the email notification about your comment, but it seems to have disappeared so I couldn’t reply to it. Thanks for the kind words, and for taking the time to read in the first place. I’m thrilled that you found the story entertaining, and pleasantly surprised to hear the praise for Mel’s character. He’s definitely had the most work done so far aside from Cedric, so it means a lot to see some appreciation for him- as well as the characters as a whole.
Actually, I’m fairly close to finishing the second volume, so if you’re interested in seeing the arc’s conclusion I can get that up here. And of course, I’ll be checking your story out to return the favor!
My comment was disappearing so I’ll try posting one again.
What a cleverly crafted story this turned out to be. I honestly wanted to skip the end just to find out what happens. The characters are all rich with personality. Mel in particular was well thought out as his motives were clear from the beginning. Being fiendishly clever about obtaining what he was after, even if he had to use his friends to do so. Well done. I was thoroughly entertained by this read.
Hey there, I’d love to get your feedback on the completed volume, when ya have the time!
So I’m on page 57 at the time of this review. Mel’s plan was a little unexpected regarding the sword and Cedric. The story was following with a understanding bad guy background story build for Mel but kind of morphed into him playing a good guy with villainous methods. Unless I botched the whole thing. Either way, I liked it. The chemistry between Mel and Selmy was charming and their moments together are not overdone to bog down the story. There is also little enough happening between them to see what happens between them.
Cedric seems like the upstanding build of a character. Still need to read more to get a better feel for him, but from Mel’s viewpoint of the guy is a ideal good guy. Be interesting to see if Cedric can keep himself that way. Some of most entertaining stories I find are good guys who struggle with maintaining their virtue ideas rather then succumbing since that is the norm for most stories these days.
I find the characters far more interesting then the lore regarding the sword. Granted, I haven’t read the first volume but the sword really wasn’t of all that importance rather then what becomes of these characters from Mel’s actions. Whether that is a good thing or bad thing, that is up to the writer on what kind of story your wanting. Again, I’ve only read a small portion.
Final note, the dialog of the characters makes them come off younger then what their visual art suggests. They sound like they are in the range of fourteen but their photo inserts make them out to be seventeen or even later eighteen. Not a deal breaker but I had to do a double take on those photos because the characters looked older then how they sounded.
Wow just saw this! I’m glad you enjoy Mel’s build, it’s a point I really focused on for this volume. Same with his and Selmy’s relationship, very pleased that you didn’t find it overdone. I’d forgotten you hadn’t read the first volume, but you’re pretty on point with Cedric’s character regardless. I’ve always been prepared to see him looked at as a bit of a Gary Stu, but having written a few volumes ahead before rewriting the beginning, I think you’d be pleased with the internal conflict he finds himself in throughout his character arc.
The note about the dialogue is definitely something I need to look at, as I haven’t gotten that feedback before- but you’re absolutely right about their age being 17(well Selmy and Hastor are actually older), so if something isn’t matching I will have to revise that. Of course, I’m fine with Quentle sounding 14 because he’s an idiot, but certainly not Mel and Cedric haha
Thanks a bunch for your insight, even with just the first part of the volume you’ve given me plenty to think about. I certainly hope you’ll continue reading if you find time at some point, as your insight is indeed valuable. Granted the volume as a whole might not be as satisfying without the knowledge of the first volume, since characters like Quentle and a few others have small important arcs of their own, but at the very least, Mel and Cedric’s story should stand alone well enough.
Wow just saw this! I’m glad you enjoy Mel’s build, it’s a point I really focused on for this volume. Same with his and Selmy’s relationship, very pleased that you didn’t find it overdone. I’d forgotten you hadn’t read the first volume, but you’re pretty on point with Cedric’s character regardless. I’ve always been prepared to see him looked at as a bit of a Gary Stu, but having written a few volumes ahead before rewriting the beginning, I think you’d be pleased with the internal conflict he finds himself in throughout his character arc.
The note about the dialogue is definitely something I need to look at, as I haven’t gotten that feedback before- but you’re absolutely right about their age being 17(well Selmy and Hastor are actually older), so if something isn’t matching I will have to revise that. Of course, I’m fine with Quentle sounding 14 because he’s an idiot, but certainly not Mel and Cedric haha
Thanks a bunch for your insight, even with just the first part of the volume you’ve given me plenty to think about. I certainly hope you’ll continue reading if you find time at some point, as your insight is indeed valuable. Granted the volume as a whole might not be as satisfying without the knowledge of the first volume, since characters like Quentle and a few others have small important arcs of their own, but at the very least, Mel and Cedric’s story should stand alone well enough.